Have you seen all of those cute posters that say, "Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the devil says, 'Oh, no! She's up!'" I was going to be that woman today. I have felt so beaten down lately, and I finally recognized Satan's hands all over it last night. There is a lot going on in this household right now that is completely overwhelming and burdensome to me. Top of the list: my health. A recent neck CT showed that I have further degeneration and new arthritis developing at the site of the fusion I had done three and a half years ago. All of this mess is bulging in my neck and pushing on my spinal cord. I had the CT done because I have been in a lot of pain again recently, and I am starting to lose function in my right arm. Y'all.... I don't feel good!!! (*understatement of the year*) I'm on several new medications to counteract the pain and inflammation, and I'm not sure yet if they are helping or making it worse...
So here's the problem--Satan knew that I was going to get up with that mindset this morning, so he has been wearing me down all stinking day long. The day started with my alarm not going off, which made me late for an appointment, and it just kept going downhill from there. I have been counteracting with prayer, positive thinking, and praise/worship songs all day. So my question now is this: WHY do I feel like I'm still losing??
This is not a post where I want to whine a lot or have a "woe is me" moment. I just want to ask for prayers. I need to not feel like death every blessed day. I need to reach a point where I can function like a normal human being and not be completely overwhelmed with life. I need the peace of God to guard my heart and protect me from the lies that Satan throws at me every day. We need to reach a point where our finances are not a constant burden and concern. I want to dig deep and find the strength to make the devil think, "Oh, no! She's up!!!" My joy and hope are in Christ and his promise of eternity with him in heaven. This helps a little, too:
8 comments:
I'm so sorry that you are struggling with this pain. It can not be an easy thing to deal with. I'll pray for God's healing and blessings for you and your sweet family. You do have some pretty amazing children.
It sounds like towards the end you were headed in the right direction....counting your blessings! My mom always used to sing Count Your Many Blessings when she was rocking us as little ones. As we have had different challenges come up in recent years (my cancer, Jessica's Autism, etc), I have found THAT makes the biggest differences....that and looking for what God is going to teach you through it or how he is going to use it to give hope to others. He makes use of everything we give Him to work with! Blessings to your family, that you will be able to see more of God through these trials. (And yes....it is crappy and I am sorry you are feeling so bad!! Mommies need their hands!)
I'll be praying for you, Rachel! You are a wonderful woman of God, and He will carry you through anything life (and Satan!) throws at you. Love you, sweet girl!
I wish I could take away all the pain and difficulty, but of course I can't. But I do know that you will make it through all of this and on the other side, you will marvel at how God works through even the worst stuff. I'm still praying and I am proud of the way you handle life. Abby & Logan have an awesome mom! I love you!
Rachel, I'm so sorry about your pain! This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "pain in the neck", huh?! I always admire your attitude. Praying God will heal you. Those sweet children are so cute and I know they make you smile.
Rachel, I am just now catching up with blogs. I am so sorry that you have been in pain. You are in my prayers. Sounds like you are fighting Satan as he tempts you to forget God and give in to him. You and God will work through this; I love what your mom said; it is very wise and and I hope you are comforted. Hang in there, Sweetie.
I really love your post! I'm so sorry that you are hurting, and I understand how it feels to have things just bombarded up against you, but you're right--if we can be the women that makes Satan say, "Oh no, she's up!" we can really effect more change :) I think that you are that woman--you are just human and hurt. I hope you feel better soon, so sorry that you hurt :(
God bless you and be with you as you continue to lean on HIM.
I feel so honored that you would be willing to share such vulnerability with us. Rachel, I am so, so sorry for the bombardment you feel, but the fact that you are refusing to give Satan any glory or leeway shows a wonderful understanding of the goodness of God! He loves you so much and does not want you to suffer. Praying for you!
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